Place the do not disturb sign on the door & we can begin 0
There has been this document, for lack of a better word, that I have been writing, on and off for a few months now, its kind of a collection of thoughts and ideas, just general stuff that has been going through my head.
While looking for topics to blog about and unable to find anything that I connect with, I decided to have a look through this document and see if there was anything that I would like to post. A quick chat with Laura and a coin toss later, I chose what you can see below.
It’s a strange feeling not remembering half your life. Looking at the photographs of who you used to be and feel nothing, like you are looking at pictures of someone else’s life.
I know some of the people in the photographs, but in the same way I know how a movie ends. It’s just something that’s been in my head for as long as I can remember. There is no emotional connection to the person staring back at me.
It’s a hard thing to put into words.
My mother says it’s a good thing I don’t remember my childhood because of the awful things that went on.
She told me that when I was 7 years old that I vowed to kill my father when I was older. I don’t know about you but that screams volumes to me.
I know what you’re thinking; your thinking isn’t it better knowing who you are, what happened, even if it’s bad news.
My mother also told me that around the same age because of what was going on, I assaulted my sister destroyed my bedroom and then proceeded to set fire to it.
Now, also knowing that what my father did to me and my sister was bad enough to warrant a life time restraining order. Do I really want to know the details?
Will reading through the inch thick court papers bring back all the time I’ve missed? And put me on the track of being a healthy human being, or will it do the same thing to me as it did to the 7 year old boy my mother told me about.
