Y’see, I was down town the other day & I saw this guy. Y’know there he was, stood there minding his own business and I was like, you cunt! Who do you think you are?! Stood there minding your own business, how dare you!

He was shocked of course, but I’d sussed his game out.

When I called him a cunt, y’know what he did?! His head fell right off. I thought, you fucking fucker. How dare you detach your head in my presence! So I walked away, cock in hand ‘cos well, I didn’t want to be dictated to.

So…

I was having a wank the other day, y’know slapping it about. And the damn thing fell off. It wriggled around for a while, y’know.

Damn cat nicked it. Ran off down the street. Of course, I was shocked, but what could I do.

I had to go get my new cock out of its box y’see, I had a spare in the kitchen cupboard, like ya do; damn thing had gone off. Had to go down the shops, and of course the damn thing was shut. So I had to use a straw & some duct tape to finish my wank. What else could I do? I mean.